Life Doesn't Always Go as We've Planned
by Unshed Tears
Summary: A MWWP/L but with a guaranteed twist coming in future chapters...please r/r with some feedback
1. Default Chapter

A/N: Here it is... my newest fic. It's a MWWP/L story and I hope that it'll be original! Tell me what you think and maybe I'll continue!  
Disclaimer: The characters and setting belong to J.K. Rowling and I in no way imply otherwise  
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"Look, you just have to get your heart broken sometimes, it's not fun but it teaches you what it's like to hurt, which make you a more understanding and compassionate person. Imagine going through life never knowing what it's like to be on the wrong end of rejection. You'd be a shallow person. Don't worry, it doesn't last as long as you think. Suck it up, be patient, learn from it and move on."  
-Anonymous  
  
Life doesn't always go as we've planned  
  
Lily had never known that her life would take so many twists. She never knew that she would end up with James, she thought that someone else was the one for her...of course it all started in her 3rd year at Hogwarts...  
  
Lily Evans was an interesting person indeed. To her friends she was outgoing and kind, but to the rest of the school she seemed somewhat aloof, preferring to stick to her intimate group of friends. But Lily didn't mean to be aloof, she had just gotten so close to her friends after all the things they had endured together. Remus being a werewolf, Peter loosing his mother, and the Marauders forming and planning to become Animagus.  
Her social group had found each other very quickly and it made her happy to know that she had people to lean on when life was at it's toughest. That's kind of how Lily's romantic endeavors had begun in the first place. One rainy night in November, shortly after the Halloween ball, Lily received a letter form James asking her to meet him in the common room at 11 pm. Lily had been anticipating this. She had really liked James and although he had been going out with Susan Linden, a Ravenclaw 4th year, during the ball they had broken up shortly afterwards. Remus had just told Lily that James liked her and now, she hoped he was going to ask her out.   
In truth, James really did mean to ask her out that night. He had a whole speech planned out and everything and Sirius was standing by in the invisibility cloak in case James froze up and needed him to whisper into his ear what he should say. But something went wrong. At approximately 10:30 Graham Paterson came into the common room and informed James that Susan was outside and wished to speak with him. James went out mainly due to curiosity; after all them breaking up was her idea. He was outside with her no more then 10 minutes, when he came back in and informed Sirius that he and Susan had decided to give it another go. Lily, who had been finishing up her Charms homework while waiting to speak with James, heard the whole thing and was crushed. She quickly ran up to her room and thumped down on her bed. James was so caught up in Susan he didn't notice. Sirius however did. He waited down in the common room hoping that Lily would come back down. At 11:28 exactly, she crept from her dorm to the room.   
" I'm sorry Lil;" Said Sirius when he saw her beautiful green eyes had turned slightly red. "Do you want to talk about it?"  
" Oh Sirius," She said. " I know I shouldn't cry I mean it IS James after all and we've been friends for 3 years but, in a way," She paused dramatically. "In a way, it hurts even more because of it." At this last sentence tears started rolling down her pail ivory cheeks. Sirius felt terrible. Lily wasn't upset too easily and now her cheeks lost there pink tint that was part of why she was so charming. He knew that she must have been exhausted emotionally, because James was Lily's best friend. Likely Lily had never meant to fall for James, and being James' other best friend Sirius knew he hadn't meant to hurt her at all. He really did want to be with Lily but maybe this was best. If she was this upset at him not asking her out then imagine how bad it would be if they broke up. Sirius tried his best to comfort Lily. He told corny knock-knock jokes whose punch line always dissed James and he told her all about his latest prank on Snape. When these attempts failed though, Sirius pulled Lily into his lap and let her vent it all to her. She finally let out the real reason she was so upset.  
" Sirius, I'm so sorry. I know that I shouldn't be so angry and hurt by James. I mean it IS just James and I suppose I was stupid for getting mixed up in his fan club, but he's really been there for me these past few months." Lily said.  
"What do you mean?" Asked Sirius.  
"Sirius..." Lily said hesitantly. Her eyes watered up again.  
"Lil it's ok, you don't have to say anything!" He said trying to avoid another flood of tears. He couldn't help thinking to himself that Remus would never believe he had played the sensitive role.  
"No." She said. "I have to tell someone else. I...my...you see." Lily was having great difficulty spilling her guts. " My Mom has cancer." She finally spit out. Sirius' face went blank. "It's muggle dieses," Lily explained. She told him as much as she could about cancer and about how her Mom had been in remission for almost 2 years before it had come back in August. Lily hadn't wanted to come back to school. " I wanted to be there with my Mom," She said. "I couldn't stand the thought that Petunia can see her every day and I may not see her at all before she may die." Lily lowered her head at the thought.   
" But there is a chance that she will live, right?" Asked Sirius.  
" The cancer has spread from her Breast into her lungs," Lily explained. " The more it spreads the harder it is to get it all" She paused for a minute before choking out "The doctors gave her a year to live." Lily was now full out sobbing, Sirius felt bad but he wished that someone were there to help him. He quickly used a communication spell to try and get Remus awake and downstairs with him. A groggy Remus came downstairs and was shocked at what he found. Lily, having cried herself to sleep with help from Sirius' shushing and rocking was, curled up in a little ball with her head in Sirius' lap.  
" What happened?!" Asked Remus. He had heard about James and all but he knew that that couldn't be all that was hurting Lily. Sirius felt bad about telling Lily's problems but he thought that he could use some help helping her deal with them   
" Lily's Mum is sick," Sirius said as a quick explanation. "She has some sort of muggle disease, Pisces, or something like that..."  
" You mean Cancer?" Asked Remus inquisitively.   
"Yeah that's it." Said Sirius.  
" Sirius, you nitwit, when is your birthday?"  
"March 8th but what's that got to do with anything?" Asked Sirius incredulously.  
" No wonder you said Pisces." Muttered Remus. "Anyway, I had an aunt whose second husband was a muggle and he died of...lung cancer I believe. It's pretty rough stuff." Remus looked pityingly at Lily.  
"Well can't we do something?!" Asked Sirius frustrated at the stupid muggle disease that was affecting his friend's mother.  
" I'm Afraid not." Said Remus.  
" Surely Dumbledore or Madam Pomfrey..." He trailed off recognizing the no-hope look that Remus had had when he asked about ways to keep him from transforming. There was no hope. The two boys sat in silence until Lily had awakened.  
" O Remus..." She said. " I don't remember you being here."  
" I wasn't, Sirius called in the reserves." He smiled a little at Lily trying to lighten up the moment.  
" So you know then." She said in a hollow voice.  
" Yes I do." He said. "And I also know that you should go get in bed."  
" Yeah, we all should." Said Sirius.  
"All right," She said. "I suppose you're right." And she trudged slowly up the stairs. Sirius gave Remus his let's-talk-later look and they silently headed up to bed.  
As soon as Lily's head had hit her pillow she fell asleep. It was a dreamless heavy sleep and she awoke as tired as she had been when she fell asleep. Rolling over to look at her clock she discovered it was only 4:30 a.m. She tossed and turned waiting for sleep to rescue her once more. Anything to take away the dull ache that had been planted in her chest. Anything that would allow her to forget if even for just one moment. Anything to make the world stand still.  
At approximately 5 o'clock Lily officially gave up on sleep. Instead she took out her notebook and began to write. She wrote a journal entry as usual and then she began her creative writing. She had a knack for it but she never let anyone read what she wrote. Her stories, poems, and dreams stayed locked up in a muggle notebook she had charmed to lock. This morning she was writing about a world up in the clouds. A gray place, where you always felt safe and always had someone to hug or someone to lean on when you hurt. She got so into the story that she wrote 15 pages before realizing that this was exactly the place she wanted to be. That if she had a choice she would leave in a heartbeat. All she wanted was her pain to go away. The more she thought about it thought the less sense that it made. Only she would find a gray far off place comforting and only she was constantly yearning for a hug. Some sort of contact with a friend or family member that reassured her that there were real people who would always be there for her. Their touch was proof of existence and this is why her mother could not leave her. If she were gone and never able to give Lily a hug then the last 12 (almost 13) years of her life where in vain. She would have spent all that time loving someone who was going to leave her.  
Lily's thoughts got more and more irrational as she wrote. She figured that if her mother had never existed then at least her pain would not have existed either. Although she tried her hardest not to think stuff like that, it was nice to believe for a little while that being sad was all her mother's fault. As soon as the thought crossed her mind Lily immediately felt devastated. She realized how terrible it sounded. Her mother would feel so hurt and Lily didn't want that. She immediately started to cry again. The slow trail of hurt and hidden feelings trickled out in the form of salty tears. Lily wasn't usually someone who wore her heart on her sleeve. She believed that was a weakness, and instead of feeling better that she had finally told someone besides James, she felt worse. Saying it out loud made it real. Her Mom was going to die and she may never get to say goodbye. Lily was so emotionally exhausted that she fell asleep more homesick then she had ever been in her life. 


	2. The Letter

A/N: sorry this took so long! I hope that you like it.....

"There cannot be a crisis today; my schedule is already full." -- Elmer Fudd 

Life doesn't always go as we've planned

At around 7 o'clock Lily got up and went down to the common room. Sirius, who had been finishing up some last minute Charms homework, tentatively approached her. 

" Hey Lil." He said. " How you doing this morning?"

" I'm all right Sirius." She sighed. " Really!" She said with a bit more vigor when he gave her a disbelieving look.

" Are you positive?" He asked, looking skeptical.

" Really Sirius, it's ok." She told him.

" Good...then give me a hug as a reassurance." He said winking at her and drawing her close to him.

" This is comfy." She murmured with her face in his chest.

" Mhmm." He said, happy to be holding her tight. James whistled at the two from a couch near by. They quickly broke apart and Lily blushed. 

"Thanks again Padfoot," She said. And she darted for the portrait hole and off to the Great Hall for breakfast.

" Looks like you two make a good pair." Said James teasingly.

" Look I was just trying to cheer her up James." Said Sirius. "And," He added bitterly. "Need I remind you that it's YOUR fault she's so damn upset!" And with that he stormed out of the portrait hole in hopes of finding Lily for breakfast.

" What did I do?" Asked James dismayed. Peter merely shrugged, but Remus glared at James and stormed out after Sirius. He was gone for about 2 seconds before popping his head back in the whole to say, " Why don't you go hang out with Susan or something!" And he then stormed back out. James fumed for a couple of minutes.

" Great now they're all mad at me! Screw that I'm not going to worry about them." And he went to go see if he could find Susan for a morning stroll around the lake. Because it was Friday, the Gryffindor's didn't have they're first class until 10:30. When 10:30 finally rolled around James trudged slowly up the main staircase. No matter how confident he may have been before, the truth was he couldn't stand having his friends mad at him; least of all Lily.

There they were sitting together at a table near the middle of the class goofing around together. James didn't know whether to go sit with them or not. He decided against it and settled down to a table all my himself. Peter eventually came huffing over and sat with James. The next few days progressed similarly. Eventually on the following Tuesday James couldn't take it anymore and he slowly approached his friends in the common room.

" Look you guys..." He let his voice trail off as they looked up from Sirius and Remus' intense chess match that had been going on for an hour. 

" Well..." prodded Sirius.

" No," said Lily firmly. They all looked up at her in amazement...James included. " This is between James and I." And with that she got up and pulled James away by his arm. 

"Lily I'm.." James started until he was cut off by Lily.

" Save it James! I have been so upset and so hurt by you...how could you?" She continued on without waiting for the answer. "Better yet how could I?!" She asked flustered.

" How could you what?" He got up the nerve to ask.

" How could I let myself fall for one of your games. Am I just another one of 'your' girls James? I trusted you. You were my best friend...why did you do this?"

"Lily I didn't mean to hurt you it's just...Susan...and I didn't think that..." He said before being cut off my Lily for yet a third time.

" You stop right there James Potter. Think about what you just said...you DIDN'T THINK. I...o forget it, it doesn't matter anymore just go away." She broke out in sobs in the middle of the hallway that the two of them had somehow ended up in.

" Lil..." James said soothingly, " it's ok...shh..."

" I said forget it! I forgive you whatever now would you please go away?" And before waiting for an answer she ran back to the common room and up to her bed. From that point on everyone was friends again. The boys had forgiven James and apologized for their harshness previously. But although Lily was always pleasant to James the smile she had reserved just for him didn't quite reach her eyes. If you didn't know her better you may not notice it but James knew her better then that. He had screwed up and because of it he lost a friend. Lily and Sirius became close to inseparable. In the months that followed James and Susan broke up for a second, and final, time. He changed himself into a girl-of-the-week type of guy. Every girl in Hogwarts swooned over him. And Lily, well Lily was doing pretty good until THE LETTER arrived....

Lily woke up on January 12th very happy. She had just gotten back her charms essay and it had had a beautiful A+ on the top of it. She was still on a bit of a high from the holidays too. She had gotten to see her mother and spend lots of time with her. Even Petunia was civil to Lily. Upon entering the common room she found a very apprehensive James Potter approaching her.

" What's the matter James, run out of girls to date?" She teased.

" Uh Lily...there's been an owl for you." He said.

" At this time?" She asked as he handed her the letter. It was her fathers very familiar handwriting although it seemed a bit shakier then usual. She opened up the letter and looked up in utter disbelief. She just stared ahead with a blank look on her face. It didn't even dawn on her that James was hugging her and that he had known already she would be upset. She later learned that he too had received a similar letter from his parents telling him of the misfortune seeing as there families were very good friends. Lily's letter had read:

__

Dearest Lily,

I am sorry to have to tell you through the post, but your mother has peacefully moved on. She died this morning in her sleep and the doctors assured me she felt no pain. I know that you will want to come home right away when you receive this, but I ask that you sit tight and Mr. Potter will pick you up by floo powder. We though this would be quicker and seeing as he is a wizard he volunteered to do so. I'm am sorry my pumpkin that you couldn't be here but your mother loved you very much and she has left some things to you in her will which we will sort out when you come home. I have also written Professor Dumbledore and he has agreed to allow you to take two weeks off from school. I send all my love and cannot wait to have you in my arms again. Your support and courage is the only reason I dared to tell you like this. Remember that although it's alright to cry do not fret because your mother would not have wanted it that way.   
All My Love,  
Dad

Lily looked up at James and in a second she was enveloped in his arms. He was no longer just hugging her but he was holding her tightly. As soon as Sirius walked into the common room and saw Lily he rushed over to her.  
"James what happened? Lily are you ok?" He asked his voice full of worry and concern. James handed Lily's letter to Sirius, who wordlessly switched positions with James. "Shh shh, it's okay baby it's ok." He said trying to comfort Lily.

" Oh Sirius...I (sob)....she.." Lily attempted speaking but failed miserably.

" It's okay, it's ok." Sirius assured her and he whispered a " Thanks," to James. James felt a bit left out. After all Lily's Mum had been very close to him and he was very upset as well. He couldn't believe that he had ever lost his chance with Lily. James quietly left the two of them sitting on a couch in the common room and went up to his room to consult the letter from his mother. His father was going to pick him and Lily up at 9 o'clock the next morning. He decided to pack a bag to take with him. He was going to miss one week or two depending on how much he was needed and when Lily felt ready to return to school, or if Lily wanted him around or not. 

By the time James finished packing it was only 3 o'clock in the after noon. James trudged down to the dungeons for his last class of the day, double potions with the Slytherins. Lily was excused from the class and James wished that he were with her. It was like loosing an aunt that you were extremely close to. James wondered how much Lily had said about him to her mother, Rose, because he would not have wanted to disappoint her. She loved to see James and Lily together and as far as he could tell, she wasn't mad at him at Christmas so Lily must not have said anything. But he still felt guilty. And he didn't have anyone to talk to about it. Remus was currently "sick", Peter wouldn't understand, and Sirius was to busy worrying about Lil. James didn't know how he got through that class. As soon as class was over he went to dinner by himself.

" What's the matter James?" Asked Remus tentatively.

" Moony! I thought you were 'sick'" James exclaimed a bit taken aback.

" I was but it wore off this afternoon..." He trailed off. James should have known this.. something was obviously on his mind. Remus just stared at James. 

" It's... well... you know about Lily's Mom..." James tried to say it but he couldn't. 

" What happened James?!" Asked Remus concern peaking in his voice as realization dawned on his face. " O James I am so sorry. Where is Lil? Is she ok?" 

" She's okay...she's with Sirius." Said James. " My father is picking us up tomorrow." James looked away and Remus knew he didn't want to talk. The two of them just sat in silence until the end of Dinner. James went up to bed afterwards and lied awake thinking. Tomorrow was never going to come....

A/N: Okay so there it is... chapter two. Poor Lily and James.....I hope you like this. Please give me some feedback feel free to flame or criticize cause I need to know what you really think of this!


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